Space and Time.....

The only constant thing in life is change. People change. We change. Our goals and ambitions change. Our outlook changes. The people we interact with changes. The people who embrace our lives changes. At each point in time, people come, provide invaluable lessons, and continue on their paths of calling. Every person graces our life for a reason. We interact with so many, so as to better appreciate the right ones that come along.

So, can we expect a friendship/relationship to be constant and eternal with respect to space and time. The author is at a new place, and most of the people in his circle of life are physically away (thankfully, not emotionally). With each being deeply involved in his/her web of life, it does become difficult to stay in touch with them. But then, when they meet, barring the initial skirmishes, things should be as before.

Like one of my friends had said long back, about connections and staying connected, "There are two kinds of friendships - (a) where it is purely temporal, short-lived, and amounts to having a good time (b) where it is more than (a), when people keep each other updated with the ups and downs in their lives." The author personally believes that the people one thinks of, during the "not-so-fine" times are the ones you completely trust and closely relate to. Trust is a wonderful catalyst for any relationship.

Blessed are those people involved in those friendships/ relationships which does stand the test of space and time. Does respect and affection for the other make all the not-so-likeable changes in the other condonable and the likeable changes more appreciable?

The rich and the poor....

This Saturday saw me witness to the inauguration of the festival shopping season at Rodeo Drive, LA, whose claim to fame is the place where actors/actresses shop. With hope in making a difference to the many lives as the main theme, this place was studded with the rich, who were also well-dressed; men in tuxedo's and women in glittering gowns.

But then, I have also seen the homeless, truly homeless, both men and women. They sleep on the pavements, under the stars, with all Mercedes Benz's racing past them. They haven't had baths for ages. All that they have are two dirty torn bags ready to burst open.

Are the rich happy? Are the poor happy? Are you happy? Am I happy? What is happiness?

Indianness X - I, Iyer and Iyengar....

The title of this post happened to win the best team name during the first ever Landmark Open Quiz (now a highly anticipated and regular affair in Madras) in 1995. My being strongly associated with Tamil Nadu, despite not being a Tamilian, has lead to quite a few funny situations. This post is just meant to be a post. Nothing more and nothing less. These man-made differences do not make sense.

The two most important underlying fabrics that bond an Indian, Turk, Persian, Mexican, Brazilian, American, Italian, French, Chinese, Japanese, etc. are emotions and connections. Love, Pathos, Hurt, Joy, etc. unite us. The connections with the people in our lives makes it all the more interesting. One need not be of a particular caste/religion/sex/country to experience the various universal emotions. Relationships mean the same everywhere.

So now back to the topic, after the brief disclaimer. First of all, it all begins with my roots. Having a very Iyengaresque name, I am wrongly mistaken for an Iyengar. But then, my name would also pass for an Iyer, because Venkataraman/Radhakrishnan, despite being Vaishnavite, is in prevalence among Iyers of today. Guess, there was a time when the surname used to be the clinching distinguishing factor (obviously, Venkatarama Iyer and Venkatarama Iyengar are different).

While a Mishra can identify an Oriya person by his/her surname, (can be safely extended to the Guptas, Iyers, Mukhopadhyays, Shahs, Agarwals, Reddys, Pillais, Joshis, Singhs), it becomes increasingly difficult for a person like me. Each community has its own set of customs, languages, colloquialisms, cultures, etc. within the broad and myriad network of Indian ethos. While one must respect the values of one's own, reaching out to people must make us overcome these self-imposed barriers of a community. A subtle balance.

Recently, I had been to a Udupi Krishna Mutt in Los Angeles and I happened to see 40-50 people, most of whom could be claimed of "my type". It reminded me of our family gatherings and the customs/rituals involved therein. We are followers of Saint Madhwacharya, one of the trinity, with the other two being Saint Sankaracharya and Saint Ramanujacharya. Thus, I, Iyer and Iyengar could be termed as followers of the trinity in their own ways.

Honestly, I haven't got an opportunity, or rather, I haven't reached that maturity level to appreciate the differences between the Dvaita, Advaita and Vishishta-dvaita schools of thought. It merits mention that Dvaita was the last among the three and with surprisingly the least number of followers. Personally, I feel that these schools of thought emerged when the country was having a difficult time maintain its own identity courtesy the onslaught of the invaders, (more like Renaissance of Hinduism).

What about the people of Tamil Nadu, who are not Iyers and Iyengars? Is the heavy demarcation between Tam Brahms and the others leading to an erosion of Tamilian values? On a macro level, are the Vedas, Upanishads, Carnatic Music, etc. for the Brahmins alone? Is the present state of Indian politics with their shady secularist ideals an avenue towards endangerment of Indian values? Aren't our values veritably ours, no matter where we are from? What about the north-south, west-east division in India?

How many of us appreciate the Sanskrit works of poets like Kalidasa (reputed to be one of the greatest romantic poets of all times). How many of us appreciate the poetry in the compositions of Thyagaraja, Purandaradasa, Kanakadasa, Dikshitar, Sama Sastry, Swati Tirunal? How many of us appreciate the urdu ghazals and poetry of India? How many of us appreciate Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali Khan, Ustad Faiyyaz Khan, and Ustad Amir Khan? If yes to the above question, then what about Madurai Mani Iyer, Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer and M S Subbulakshmi? What about sarode and veena?

How many of us waste a majority of our time, trying to justify the beliefs, sensibilities, values, etc. that we have embraced or have become passionate about?

Despite the so many questions, I would still like to maintain this viewpoint. Most of the values have been there for 1000's of years, and would continue to do so. India has faced many difficult times with frequent onslaught of invaders. It is just that the invaders are changing all the time. Importantly, we need to exorcise the demons within us, because, more than the values, it would be we, who would miss out on the various beautiful things in life.

The Personal Honor Code..

I have come across so many people who have gone back on their commitment. In short, promise one thing, and do something else on the contrary. Often, people tend to be more than merely be selfish. A clear case where selfishness is not a virtue. Most end up doing what works out best for them, irrespective of their commitment.

Over the past two days, I too have joined the crowd. What had been a matter of pride, of sticking to one's word no matter what, despite many temptations, is now veritably a matter of shame for me. The realization that I can also be pretty nasty and inconsiderate at times is a very bitter and nasty one.

I have succumbed twice and it would take some time forgiving myself. A simple "sorry" to the two persons involved in the two episodes, each spaced 3 years apart.

Hormonal Realities.....

A child is often considered one of the most pristine creations on earth. A perfect epitome of an innocent, playful, honest, jovial soul; be it a boy or a girl. He/she treats all alike, and has many friends of the opposite sex too. He knows that she is different from him, and she knows that he is different from her. But then, it doesn't matter. Then, something happens. A huge glitch to bring the person out of its innocent world.

The body grows while the mind and heart doesn't. Having good friends amongst the opposite sex is unheard of. Parents caution their girls to be wary of the boys. For the boys, their friends and acquaintances (predominantly of the same sex now), make fun of their interacting with the girls. The same with the girls too. Little do they know what lies ahead for them. Both are coming to life to biologically produce life, and yet are finding it increasingly difficult to come to terms with the harsh hormonal reality.

A craze for the enigmatic mysterious sex. All new words seeping into their dictionaries, with the dictionary itself being a great source of information. They find that they know not much of their own bodies. Girls are ashamed of their body, with their remaining aloof for those days, highlighting their new status. They start blossoming into women, and they do not know how to react to the evil ogling eyes of the men. And when they are beautiful, slowly, that very knowledge turns into vanity. The boys are ashamed of their broken voice and the uncultured strands of hair that make up their beard.

In the quest for "knowledge", most people stray(?). Pornography, prurient behavior, illicit movies, late night cable TV channels, self-discovery, etc. Parents do not know what to do too. This reminds me of the scene in American Pie, where the father shows his son the Playboy centerfold, and tells him about the male fascination with a woman's breasts. Girls start reading Mills and Boon, developing fantasies about the tall, dark and handsome prince, who is there just for her kinds. During this time, it is difficult for healthy and pure relationships between boys and girls. One begins to wonder what ever did happen. Why couldn't the childhood phase come back?

After some time, something again happens. Both sexes realize that it is not just the body. It is more than physical intimacy that counts towards successful relationships. Here is where the mind, the heart and the soul come in. Concepts on love, relationships, soulmates, etc. emerge. The treatment to sex also becomes holy and sacred. As Paulo Coelho says in one of his books, sex is a form of alchemy. Spiritual purification over the materialistic plane of the body where two souls unite.

So, how does one come in terms with the hormonal realities? Does each generation come up with its own means to do so. The treatment by each generation does become an interesting case. The parents are definitely right in instilling the fear for the opposite sex, because the mind is still not mature enough. Thankfully, there are studies, music, games, travel, and other activities to concentrate on.

PS1: The current topic reminds me of this conversation with a German lady on my flight from Zurich to Atlanta. She told me, "Oh, you are from India. The land of the Kama Sutra". Yes, India - the very same land of Kama Sutra, where the talk on sex has become taboo.

PS2: I was told that in the US, it is all right to "check out" a person of the opposite sex as long as one acknowledges the process with a smile.

PS3: As an aside, in the Halloween Carnival, the author came across a placard, "In Lust, We Trust".

PS4: The reader is recommended to read this previous post.