Unparliamentary Words....

Paradigm #1

Bad words are so so essential in relationships, esp. between close friends of the same sex. The free unrestricted use of such words develops a sense of bonding and closeness between the friends. They are usually filler words with no harmful and malicious intent whatsoever. This I believe is universal. Each language has a rich repertoire of such "good" words.

Paradigm #2

Bad words are used in the sense that they are meant for. Rude, abusive and unparliamentary and loaded with harmful and malicious intent. This usage is what I loathe. Recently, I came to know about many unfortunate incidents that had actually happened. Minorities (esp. the coloured ones), women (the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful ones), etc. were involved in events where the so-called self-thinking "evolved" souls literally cursed them with such words (that don't merit mention here). Sadly, in some cases, the event also lead to a physical assault. What is the world coming to?

The Face....

"Face is the index of the mind" is a well-known saying. However, does every face convey the true emotions of the heart and the simple/convoluted thoughts of the mind. The fantasies that the human mind can weave are often spell-bounding and enigmatic too.

But, then, each face that we come across in our lives has a story behind it. And each face is hardly a open book. It is always on the lookout for other faces that understands not just the face; but then, the body, mind, heart and soul of that face too.

Each and every face in this world has an interesting story to tell. Fortunate and blessed are the ones willing to listen to such stories.

Sour Grapes.....

A highly optimistic way of looking at things. Instead of regretting or repenting over what had happened, the "grapes are sour" paradigm does wonders to one's psyche. When someone wants something badly, and that same something doesn't happen - then what can one poor soul do? Just make this good old claim of sour grapes and carry on. A rather difficult thing to do, but then much better than wallowing in excessive self-pity.

Indianness X - Restaurants....

The article in "The Hindu" about our very own President Dr. Kalam recommending the good old vadai to Icelanders made me finally write this long-pending article now. Let me not make this to be an extensive coverage of vadai. That article has done great justice to this South Indian delicacy. One point, however, merits mention. In one of the Indian restaurants in the US, it was advertised as "The Indian Do-nut". What a way to attract attention of the ignorant ones? When I am at it, the Onion Uttapam was described as "The Indian Pizza - with onion topping" and the Sambhar as "Lentil Soup".

The restaurants in the US do their best to project the Indianness, that is sadly not available anywhere else in the world but India. Believe me, restaurants do hold a special place in an Indian's heart. Sadly, people of our grandmother's generation are strictly anti-restaurants. Most restaurants/mami's place/iyer's lunch home/udupi high class vegetarian hotels/ whatever, use the indispensable onion for almost every preparation. This fact doesn't really appeal to the orthodox class of the society. Having a coffee there is also taboo. I happen to know of people who have gone to restaurants on the stealth, just to avoid the wrath of these people.

The face-lift that the restaurants have undergone is shocking. No longer is it the simple place to have that Sambhar-Vada or Masala Dosa and a cup of coffee. The quality of food has deteriorated with the people giving more preference to the ambience, location and the seemingly vulgar catering to the high-class. Nowadays, the food being catered to the high-class is no longer high-class. This is not to say that all restaurants are like that. There are some that continue to survive these necessary yet difficult times of westernization and modernization, courtesy their USP - Indianness.

What is the appeal of these places catering to the high-class? Is it because people have lots of money to splurge on something as banal as dining out. People end up spending around 20 times what they would have in a normal restaurant. During my trip to India this Dec-Jan, I was surprised to find people giving preference to Subway (where they dole out their health conscious low calorie salad based subs), MacDonald's, KFC, Pizza Hut, etc. over the best restaurants catering to the middle-class with high-class food.

Another incident to mention. I had been to a "rustic" high-class udupi hotel in Triplicane, Madras with my father during my trip. That place was supposed to have been established pre-independence and its main USP was and continues to be Sambhar Idli and Onion Rava. People (all normal sane ones, poor and the rich alike) thronged to this place to have that white, soft, puffed rice pancakes dipped in lentil soup made with small onions.

Rusticity Rules!!!

July 04...

The land where people of a certain kind are termed "Aliens" celebrated its I-day today. The non-aliens were at their patriotic best, and such feelings were highly contagious. So, we (the aliens) celebrated the I-day too.

Independence, is too neat a concept and importantly is worth every bit of our support, no matter where we may be. May all of us find the "real" independence to do what we really want to - be it personal, academic, professional, spiritual, or whatever.

PS: a real short one, courtesy Ammani's influence?? :)

Malignant Cancer I - Dowry...

This is a topic that every right-thinking person (no political overtones intended) has strong views on. The author recently came across poignant and thought-provoking short stories by our very own Premchand and Tagore on the evils of Dowry. Guess thought-provoking would be a mild way of mentioning it. A better description would be, those stories would make your blood boil. It does surprise me that Dowry continues to plague the Indian society, among the elite and the educated classes too.

Dowry is one of the means of the vulgar and demeaning objectification of the woman. Is it in recognition of a groom's upbringing or education. In some communities in India, the rate increases with a person's education standards. IITs, BITS and IIMs bring in more money. Much better if the person in question happens to be doing his graduate studies in the land of dreams for many - the US. What shocks me is that this is happening among the so-called educated people. Most have this inevitable excuse - "Depends on my parents. If they want me to take dowry, then I cannot go against them. I do not want to hurt them." As banal and absurd as it sounds, this is one of the cheapest ways of cleansing the conscience of whatever iota of guilt it does have.

Another means of justification goes like this - "The parents of the bride are rich, well-to-do, have lots of money and lands. She is the only daughter. So, what's wrong in their parents gifting us "Dowry"?" Is money a quantity to be hoarded and bartered for a woman. What are the grooms doing with their education? Why cannot they stand on their own legs? Why look for easy money? Does a person love his wife more because she got in more money. Believe me, money is the easiest way to a person's heart. Sons-in-law have a real soft corner for their in-laws who are well-to-do courtesy their own hard work. This is not to say that daughters-in-law do not have similar respect for the in-laws. Sad, but true.

Money continues to play a havoc in the lives of the people. People who do not have money crave for it. People who have money are not satisfied. People always seem to be on the look-out for easy money. This is where I love the utopian village of Ayn Rand's creation in "The Atlas Shrugged". Well, I am going off-tangent here. So coming back to this malignant cancer, it does have a lot of social repercussions. People consider the girl child a burden. They start saving towards her wedding right from her birth. The wedding which is supposed to be a celebration of joy - the union of a man and a woman - becomes an albatross around the neck for the parents. Then, there are the concepts of societal obligations and status maintenance. The parents of the bride continue to spend huge amounts on the event which becomes more a welcome/unwelcome means of flaunting their status. People cease to be themselves; and what can you or I do?

Well, what was the purpose of this article? Can a few idealogists bring about a change in the society. It is foolish to think that Dowry is a happening of the past. It very much continues to grow; assuming even more grotesque forms because of the increased sophistry involved these days. The writers (then and now) have given vent to their feelings on "Dowry" by employing the devices of sarcasm and melancholic tragedies. But then, people continue to be like that. All that I can say is that the resolution for "A No to Dowry" should come from within.

It is with a mixed feeling of frustration, helplessness and hope, that I rest this case here.