This is a topic that every right-thinking person (no political overtones intended) has strong views on. The author recently came across poignant and thought-provoking short stories by our very own Premchand and Tagore on the evils of Dowry. Guess thought-provoking would be a mild way of mentioning it. A better description would be, those stories would make your blood boil. It does surprise me that Dowry continues to plague the Indian society, among the elite and the educated classes too.
Dowry is one of the means of the vulgar and demeaning objectification of the woman. Is it in recognition of a groom's upbringing or education. In some communities in India, the rate increases with a person's education standards. IITs, BITS and IIMs bring in more money. Much better if the person in question happens to be doing his graduate studies in the land of dreams for many - the US. What shocks me is that this is happening among the so-called educated people. Most have this inevitable excuse - "Depends on my parents. If they want me to take dowry, then I cannot go against them. I do not want to hurt them." As banal and absurd as it sounds, this is one of the cheapest ways of cleansing the conscience of whatever iota of guilt it does have.
Another means of justification goes like this - "The parents of the bride are rich, well-to-do, have lots of money and lands. She is the only daughter. So, what's wrong in their parents gifting us "Dowry"?" Is money a quantity to be hoarded and bartered for a woman. What are the grooms doing with their education? Why cannot they stand on their own legs? Why look for easy money? Does a person love his wife more because she got in more money. Believe me, money is the easiest way to a person's heart. Sons-in-law have a real soft corner for their in-laws who are well-to-do courtesy their own hard work. This is not to say that daughters-in-law do not have similar respect for the in-laws. Sad, but true.
Money continues to play a havoc in the lives of the people. People who do not have money crave for it. People who have money are not satisfied. People always seem to be on the look-out for easy money. This is where I love the utopian village of Ayn Rand's creation in "The Atlas Shrugged". Well, I am going off-tangent here. So coming back to this malignant cancer, it does have a lot of social repercussions. People consider the girl child a burden. They start saving towards her wedding right from her birth. The wedding which is supposed to be a celebration of joy - the union of a man and a woman - becomes an albatross around the neck for the parents. Then, there are the concepts of societal obligations and status maintenance. The parents of the bride continue to spend huge amounts on the event which becomes more a welcome/unwelcome means of flaunting their status. People cease to be themselves; and what can you or I do?
Well, what was the purpose of this article? Can a few idealogists bring about a change in the society. It is foolish to think that Dowry is a happening of the past. It very much continues to grow; assuming even more grotesque forms because of the increased sophistry involved these days. The writers (then and now) have given vent to their feelings on "Dowry" by employing the devices of sarcasm and melancholic tragedies. But then, people continue to be like that. All that I can say is that the resolution for "A No to Dowry" should come from within.
It is with a mixed feeling of frustration, helplessness and hope, that I rest this case here.
4 comments:
I dont know if a few idealogists or writing abt the system will make a diff to the so called society and thedamn stupid norms like dowry.What we need is a conscience among the ppl,Let a relationship between tow families be of love and affection, not of money,U r right,a few communities make it a prestige issue to take and give dowry.I too belong to one such community where ppl talk in crores of rs. well,its all in our hands,i am not going to get married to any person who looks at money and not me as a person.i dont mind being alone whole of my life:)
Thanks for linking me here.happy blogging
Akruti : Welcome to my blog. Thanks for your comments.
Well Said. Don't worry about being alone. There should be that someone somewhere who would be understanding enough. Good to know that you are strictly against it, despite being from a community that believes in the concept of "Give and Take".
It all depends on the individuals in question.
Dowry always conjured me pictures of uneducated drunkard who returns late and beats up his wife (thanks to the movies). Since I didnt have any first hand experience, I am still not aware of the extent of this problem. Any idea abt how much percentages of all marriage involves dowry? I thought it was less than 30% (though that is still very very huge)
Baejaar: Movies are supposed to portray reality. So, a drunkard husband coming back to beat his wife for the night continues to sadly exist in India and everywhere else too. I do not want to even think about the case where both the individuals in question happen to be well-educated.
It is difficult to quantify something as common as dowry.. one evil in many different manifestations. As an extreme case, I would even consider the skewed expenditures from the bride's and the groom's side for the marriage as a horrendous camouflaged manifestation of dowry.
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